I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
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I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
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My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.