YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?