Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (425)

Last Night in Washington (425)

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I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole

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There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian

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(206): I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole (425): There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian http://tfl.nu/pttl

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got weed?

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I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.

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sorry mom...

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(206): got weed? (425): I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone. (206): sorry mom... http://tfl.nu/04mv

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he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"

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(425): he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!" http://tfl.nu/83kf

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im bored tell me something entertaining

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You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.

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(425): im bored tell me something entertaining (206): You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam. http://tfl.nu/m0ao

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Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.

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(425): Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack. http://tfl.nu/ptag

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her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.

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(425): her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle. http://tfl.nu/baj8

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I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...

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(425): I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results... http://tfl.nu/tn0b

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He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.

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(425): He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party. http://tfl.nu/pnyn

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the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.

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(425): the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem. http://tfl.nu/jjmu

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You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.

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(425): You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left. http://tfl.nu/zkuy

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my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.

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(425): my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me. http://tfl.nu/ks5k

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Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.

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(425): Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange. http://tfl.nu/6ccw

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he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.

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(425): he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis. http://tfl.nu/d5v8

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i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.

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(425): i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life. http://tfl.nu/aawj

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Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me

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Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.

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(425): Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me (1-425): Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about. http://tfl.nu/mflc

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Last Night in Washington (425)

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