you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
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This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.