I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space