I just wanna be euthanized
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I need a beard to bite.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.