Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
we f'd six times
its sunday, i cant say fucked
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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My life is pants optional.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.