Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
