i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
