All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
When are your genitals available?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
