I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You ruined the universe
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
