It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The adults are the big ones right?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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