i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
