the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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