I wish I could teleport
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
