my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
