your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
