Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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