I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
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I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
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does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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