I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
