tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
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He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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