he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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