my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize