Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
