Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
