My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
be right there i have to get my cape
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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