This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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