So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
