My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
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The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
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There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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