it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
