i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
