I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
