i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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