My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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