New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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