There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
