yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
