Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
