Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
