I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
