My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
