so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
