fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
