i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize