I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
