I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
