just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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