you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
