it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
