This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
