wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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