I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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