so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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