my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize