Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
