I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
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