I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
