I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
