I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it