It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Sext me about skeletons
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.