He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.