Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Sext me about skeletons
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night